hello swallows
how are you all doing?

i hope you are all having the loveliest and magical of times

i am immensely stressed over school right now. i've pretty much decided (with only a term and a half left of school) that i am not happy with my chosen profession (librarian). i am quite bored and uninterested in fact. why must these things be so hard and confusing? i wish i could just wake up one day and have an epiphany about what i should do with my life. i know that i am probably making a big deal over nothing, and that everything will likely fall into place, but right now it feels terrible and i am genuinely unhappy.

are any of you in a similar situation right now? or have been in the past?

all i want to do right now is live. it's hard for me to imagine graduating this year at only 20, and having to immediately find a job in an area that i've decided isn't for me. i am not someone who is willing to give in to a life of service so easily. maybe i am someone who is better off doing their own thing. owning a little shop, freelance photography, designing, creating, whatever.

i want to travel, and experiment, and take photos, and make things, and be inspired, and meet lovely people, and dance and laugh and live

why is this so frowned upon by society?

it's my life and i want to live it for goodness sakes!

sorry for being so darn dramatic

xx always,



Princess Camille said...

I completely understand what you're going through, for I have been facing this same dilemma for awhile now (and I'm also twenty years old). All my interests lie in the Humanities, but my loved ones are very practical and have been pressuring me to go into something else, like Business or Accounting; I have zero interest in those fields. All my life my dream has been to be an author.

To me personally, University is about expanding my knowledge rather than embarking on a career path. I've had to be very brave (a scary thing for me) and tell everyone that I'm not going to take the path that they or society expects of me; instead I'm going to follow my heart. So for now, that means getting an impractical Degree in Art History, Creative Writing Philosophy and History while doing Art, playing the piano and writing my novel in my spare time. To society this is a poor choice, but it's something that brings me joy.

I believe that we need to live life to the fullest and be true to ourselves. Doing something that others expect of us that we don't feel in our hearts to be right is not being authentic. If you believe in yourself and choose to forge your own path, while it may be scary, it'll be a thrilling ride and bring you passion and happiness.

If you don't want to be a librarian then please don't. Take up freelance photography or designing like you mentioned, or anything else you love. Live your dreams. If you truly feel passionate about them, nothing is stopping you from fulfilling them.

I'm sorry for this lengthy comment. I wish you luck in finding yourself and your passion. Never be afraid to follow your heart and truly live. <3

Katherine said...

Oh, I believe in you, Sara! I am sure that you will find the Right Thing, with time and experimentation. You blog looks beautiful :)

Jhordyn Ashley said...

I am going through exactly the same thing. I am 19 and just started University but decided that what I chose wasn't for me. I hate the pressure society puts on you to have a practical job. I am dropping my courses and taking the rest of the year to figure out some stuff. My dream would be to open a little shop and sell beautiful things. Perhaps some handmade and others I've collected. But everyone I tell thinks that it isn't a smart idea. I think I may end up getting an ordinary job and focusing on my life outside work and filling it with beauty and creativity and inspiration. Thats the best I can come up with right now. But I really do wish you the best my dear, and I hope you find your way.

P.S I absolutely adore your how to live magically list!

Paris said...

Hello Sara,

I feel your pain.

Howver, just because you've finished the course doesn't mean you have to use the qualifications.
It's never too late to change your mind and try to find another pathway.

All experience is good experience.

I hope things get a bit more clearer for you soon.
Careers and work is a tough subject.
Don't stress though.
You have years to figure out what is best for you.

Take care
xx ♥

melissa said...

oh, these are just the loveliest pictures i have seen in a long while. that squirrel is so so darling!

i am in the exact same situation and have been in the past as well. i started out in business school, then changed to english after finally convincing my parents that the classes that would be lost in the switch were worth it. i was so sure i wanted to work at a publishing company, but now i am not sure. i want to change to anthropology - specifically archaeology for my graduate degree, but i just can't decide on anything for sure!

honestly, i would love to put off graduate school right now and join the peace corps so that i can travel and experience so much more than i am right now, but i just don't want to disappoint my family :/

sometimes i dream of having the same life, owning a little shop of things i love and collect from all over and just have a small, quiet life doing what i want. i know exactly what you are talking about, i have been feeling the exact same and i hate that it's not a lifestyle most people approve of.

i hope things work out for you dear xx

E said...

when i was struggling with the same dilemma i took a step back and thought about what would i really want to do (hard, i know). i decided to try studying biology and that turned out to be my passion. i still don't know if i'll be spending my future years as a scientist on a boat studying plankton and fishes or will i buy my own little farm and start a family there, now the most important thing is that i love my studies.
I am sure you will find your own place and your dreams sound so lovely (i still have similar ones). and you can always change your mind, or do everything you want. never rule out your other dreams if you decide to try one of them, because you can make them all come true :) just believe in your dreams and trust yourself.
<3 E, xox

S. Ellen said...

Here is another 20 year old with the same issue. I'm studying English Literature and for years now have done vonluntary work in schools in order that i can hopefully make it onto a teacher training course (which i'm in the midst of applying for)
This is the path i've always seen myself following, the one my family encourage me to follow and one i'm quite happy, even passionate about following.

Yet at the same time my true love lies in areas such as publishing and even broadcast journalism; both areas which are extremely hard to get into.

Alas, i've decided to bimble along the path and keep a beady eye out for any opportunities that come along the way. I figure that life will take me where it's meant to.

Good luck, follow your heart (and a little of your gut too) and see where it takes you x

Thea said...

Who would have thought there were so many 20 year-olds in the same boat as you? We should make t-shirts and hold a rebellion against society, live out our days frolicking in forests and hiding in caves. No, seriously, I wish I could give you some excellent advice, but I haven't found any solution to it myself. I am just going to finish my degree and hope that the perfect job presents itself to me, one which affords freedom and creativity and enjoyment of life. Good luck to you, dear. x

Karolina said...

I know how you feel! I think it takes time and courage to start your own thing, but it is possible :) Take your time to consider what you really want and make your dreams come true!
good luck :)


Angsoka said...

Hi Sara,
we don't know each other, but I'm going through the same thing right know. I'm 24 and I noticed this summer that my whole life was built for others and that I wanted something else for me. So, I took the decision to quit my job and to go back to the university. It has been really hard and, well, some people understood but many others didn't until recently. It is still hard, but I'm so happy I made this choice ! For the first time in my life, I'm really happy and proud of me. I don't regret my former choices, they made me what I am now, but most important I think is that I've found my own way. I still don't know precisely where I'm headed but that's all right, I feel good so nothing really bad can happened.
Good luck to you, take your time to consider the different choices you have and you'll probably find your way to live your dreams. Maybe not right now, but I'm sure you'll find it.

not wendy said...

Pretty wintry pictures, just the somethings I needed to see.

Maybe you could donate a few years of your life to the Red Cross? That's what I want to do, anyway, when I'm a bit older. You get to travel and help people all for free, free, free. And write on the side and I bet the photography you could churn out would be brilliant. And then, when you're finished, you return to college (grad schools, I heard, actually seem to really like this) a wiser person.

Whatever you decide, best of luck. :)

forever said...

Beautiful..love the 1st picture.
I feel the same..it's so hard to decide! I wish you luck =)
I really like your blog.. became a follower, would appreciate if you could follow me too !

Peace & Love

Megan said...

You really are the most magical blogger girl I have come across Sara.
These are beautiful pictures, the first one is just so lovely (I have a love afair with the sky).
I'm sorry you're in such a dilema, you are so brave keeping on a cheery front - I admire you for that.
I hope things work out, although I know it might not be ovbious what path to follow, thinks will become clear sooner.
I know I am a few years younger, but I'm already having to look at Universities, with a career in mind and I really haven't got a clue. We are expected to know what we want to do, and I barely know who I am. I think for now, we must stumble along, searching. But there will be a guiding light, I'm sure.
I know exactly what you mean about living, there seems to be no time for it. It is all in our heads and thats why it hurts.
But don't give up. You can always find magic. xx

~Abby~ said...

Lovely lovely pictures dear...you are truly talented.
Ahh I am unhappy to hear that such a beautiful & magical person such as you is unhappy. :(
I fear this will happen to me too..I know what I want to be and I hope it all works out.
It's a very scary thought you know...to feel lost & not knowing what you're going to do.
I really hope you can find a profession that will let you be YOU and let your creativity and magicalness shine. ♥

You're not 'darn dramatic,' like you said you just wanna LIVE.


Zoë Kate said...

Firstly, lovely blog. Beautiful photos. Gorgeous!

Secondly, you have SO MUCH TIME. I went back to school at 23 (I'm now 25) to study Creative Writing and Visual Art, and I am so happy that I did. Originally I went to school for social work, but discovered that I just couldn't cope with it. It's hard to know what to do with your life when you're young, priorities and interests and circumstances change. HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF, have patience with yourself, and follow what pulls at your heart. It's never too late to change courses, or take a break, or try something new. I know this all sounds terribly cliche but it is really just so TRUE.

I'll be following your blog!



frenchtoile said...

How similarily I feel!

the pictures are really beautiful.

It's really a shame, I believe, how pressured we young ones seem to feel to find our place in society.
I believe we SHOULD dance and laugh and live and explore.
Maybe we must find a balance between the two, but thats so hard sometimes.

Athena. said...

Oh, dearest Sara, you are such a beautiful soul and I never want you to forget. Do what you love; see everything and live everywhere. You are an inspiration, truly; when I am older I would love to do all of these things. It seems preposterous to not see every inch of this world, almost unthinkable.
You are so dear, and I hope you don't mind that I've added you to my list of Hearts. xxxx

Clara said...

Dear Sara,
oh I know how you feel, and my heart aches with it as well. But I know it will all work out, you will be able to do all of those things that you wish for and love. The crummy thing is that it takes time, that we have to wait, that we have to work hard to get to that place, to find our little nook in the world. your photos are so beautiful, I could get lost in them forever I'm sure. I did get your letter and it was beautiful beyond words, my reply will come to you soon, I'm sorry it's taken so long. I've missed you my dear.
Love, clara

Candice said...

Hello Sara!

First of all, I absolutely love your blog! It is so whimsical and lovely. Definitely a new follower :)
Secondly, I'm totally in the same situation..I am studying marketing and amidst the chaos of exams and such, I realized that this is not the career for me. I love to dance, write and paint..why is the creative expression so suppressed in our society? I'm not sure, but I'm with you; I just want to enjoy life, make beautiful things and do what I love. Finding the balance between doing something that is sustainable and a job that you love is the key..I'm still in the process of figuring out what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I'm trusting that God will take care of the details even though its somewhat frustrating to not have an instant answer at the moment :) Looking forward to reading more of your future posts, dear!